To Top

Kay to Bradys: Sit The Hell Down

The Bradys have to settle for Kay when they drive Alice out of the house. LIttle do they know: something wicked this way comes.

If you drive Alice away, you get Kay. Watch the Bradys get schooled (I mean skewled).

Kay Brady Bunch


Long story, but the kids give Alice the cold shoulder, which traumatizes the hell out of her and causes her to quit without notice.

Can you blame her?  Are you happy now, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy?

Alice’s replacement: Kay. You best believe she’s no Alice. She’s the anti-Alice.

The kids get what they damn deserve. This cold fish with the blue dress on instructs them to talk to the hand.

Blunt? Tactless? Damn straight. She ain’t standing still for their timeless and tiresome precociousness.

Her no-nonsense is delicious. The kids’ remorse is gorgeous and intensely satisfying.

The kids go to mom, desperately begging to somehow bring Alice back, as if the world really works that way.

Regarding Alice, here’s mom’s angry but sage reply: “Sometimes you can push a person too far and there is no bringing them back.”

Kay Brady Bunch

Kay is not to blame. And, contrary to conventional wisdom, Kay is not a bitch. She’s simply karma. And karma, not Kay, is a bitch. She’s proof of the bed you made, the one you have to lie in. Don’t hate on Kay. Hate on yourself. Ya heard? Now sit down.

Remember this urgent advice: If you drive Alice away, you get Kay. So if you’ll just excuse me.

You win, Kay. You. Win.

Internalize these key Kay phrases and repeat them often:

That was Alice. I’m Kay.”

“Sorry, a housekeeper doesn’t play basketball, she keeps house.

“Sorry, I don’t have time for puzzles.”

“Looks pretty silly to me.”

“Don’t start crying again, Alice. The coffee is weak enough already.”

 “Look, Alice. It’s not the end of the world.”

 “I have my own TV set at home. So if you’ll just excuse me, I’ll go get my things.

Kay’s words of wisdom to a tearful Alice, and take heed:  “Alice, you’ve made the worst mistake a housekeeper can make: getting too emotionally involved with the family. And I speak from experience. When I’m working, I just do my work. Getting too attached can break your heart.”

 Kay to Bradys: Kiss my ass!

Kay Brady Bunch


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Internalize This

  • Mr. Bass Man? Total Fail!

    It is with great regret that I inform you that your son, Johnny, will not achieve his dream of becoming a...

    Ronald SklarApril 4, 2015
  • Sylvester’s “Dance Disco Heat’s” Nice Lady

    The intro to Sylvester’s 1978 hit song “Dance (Disco Heat)” features a short conversation between Sylvester and a very nice lady with...

    Ronald SklarFebruary 23, 2015